Boekverslag: Ontzettende verhalen
Description
This collection showcases sixteen of Roald Dahl's finest tales, taken from "Kiss Kiss" and "Someone Like You". There are tales of the risk-takers, such as the man who wagers his daughter's hand in marriage to a wine connoisseur, or the traveller who throws himself overboard on a cruise liner to win a bet. Here too is the understated cruelty of "Edward the Conqueror," in which a mysterious cat seems to threaten domestic life, or the innocuous-seeming "Landlady," whose guests stay for longer than they intend. Not forgetting the satisfyingly shocking tales of revenge, such as "Nunc Dimittis" or "Lamb to the Slaughter."
Dip in the Pool
Plot/Description
This story is an exercise in subtlety, from the gentle joke of its title to the surprise catch at its ending. The main character, Mr. Botibol, also has the same name as the protagonist from another Dahl story, "Mr. Botibol".
Mr. Botibol is traveling across the ocean in a large ship and wants desperately to win the passenger auction. Each night the captain of the ship estimates the distance that they will cover in 24 hours, and a range of possible numbers are then auctioned off to the guests. Whoever owns the correct number the next day wins the amount of money in the pool. Mr. Botibol notices that the sea has suddenly gotten rough and that this will surely slow down the ship and throw off the captain's estimate. Confident in victory, then, he uses his life savings to win the "low field" number (meaning any number more than 10 less than the estimate). When he wakes up the next morning, though, the sea is calm and the ship is making up for lost time. Mr. Botibol arrives at the desperate conclusion that jumping overboard is the only way to slow down the ship and therefore win the pool. He plans his strategy very deliberately ? he will wear light tennis clothes (so he can swim better), he will make sure another person witnesses his "fall" and reports it to the captain, and he will swim as far from the ship as possible so that it must turn completely astern to pick him up. He finds the deck deserted except for one older woman. After talking to her briefly he concludes that she is neither deaf nor blind, and within moments he has plunged into the water screaming for help. The woman acts confused for a moment, then relaxes and watches the small bobbing man get further and further away. At the very end of the story, a bony woman comes out to collect the older lady and admonishes her for "wandering about." The old woman is seemingly a mental patient!
Edward the Conqueror
Plot/Description
This story shares a similar element with "Mr. Botibol," that of a normal person envisioning himself as a concert performer. The woman in the story, Louisa, makes a daily habit of playing a piano programme for herself and her imaginary audience. One day she befriends a stray cat and is amazed when he seems to respond to her playing. After several experiments, she concludes that he is not what he seems.
In fact, Louisa becomes convinced that the cat is none other than the reincarnated composter Franz Liszt himself. Her husband Edward, on the other hand, thinks that Louisa is delusional. He begins to resent her attachment to the cat and refuses to entertain the possibility that it's anything more than an average stray. When she begins to question Edward's authority and accuses him of being frightened of her discovery, he lashes out at her in one final attempt to correct her priorities. Louisa remains steadfast. While she is in the kitchen preparing dinner for "Franz," Edward heads out to the bonfire he has started in the backyard. When he returns Louisa notices a long thin scratch on one arm. He has thrown the cat in the fire!
Galloping Foxley
Plot/Description
This story has a very autobiographical feeling to it, and one can't help but wonder whether it actually happened to Dahl or not. His feelings about the English Public School system are well?documented (see Boy ? Tales of Childhood or Jeremy Treglown's "Roald Dahl: A Biography"), and he loads this short story full of so many intense details that it seems unlikely he would ever make such a thing up.
The story, if indeed it can be called that (since there really isn't much of a plot at all), is about a "contented commuter" named William Perkins. He is a distinguished businessman and prides himself on the regularity and precision with which he goes about his daily routine. One day his peace is shattered, however, when a newcomer joins the usual group waiting for the commuter train. After several days of grudging conversation with this obnoxious man, Perkins suddenly recognizes him as Bruce "Galloping" Foxley, an older boy who sadistically tormented and tortured him for years in school. The entire story then comes to a grinding halt as fifty?year?old memories begin to flood Perkins: warming the toilet seat for Foxley, cleaning Foxley's study, receiving a beating from Foxley. As Perkins becomes more and more shaken by these memories, he decides to reveal himself to the man and watch his reaction. He leans over and introduces himself: "My name is Perkins ? William Perkins ? and I was at Repton in 1907." Imagine his surprise, then, when his companion answers, "I'm glad to meet you. Mine's Fortescue ? Jocelyn Fortescue, Eton 1916." He is NOT Galloping Foxley!
Lamb to the slaughter
Plot/Description
This is probably the most well?known of all Dahl's short stories, simply because (in my opinion) it's so simple. There isn't a single wasted word in it. It's gripping, shocking, and yet the story proceeds in such a rational manner that the reader's suspension of disbelief is never broken. We are with Mary Maloney from the first sentence of the story, and only at the end do we realize that we never really knew her at all.
Mary Maloney is a devoted wife and expectant mother. She waits happily each night for the arrival of her husband Patrick, home from work at the police station. On this particular night, though, she can tell something is wrong. In disbelief, she listens as Patrick tells her that he is leaving her for another woman. [Actually Dahl never really says this; the details are left up to the reader's imagination.] Dazed, she goes into the kitchen to prepare their supper and pulls a large frozen leg of lamb from the deep freeze. Still numb, she carries it into the living room and without warning bashes her husband over the head with it. As she looks at Patrick lying dead on the floor, she slowly begins to come back to her senses. Immediately she realizes the ramifications of what she has done. Not wanting her unborn child to suffer as a result of her crime, she begins planning her alibi. She places the leg of lamb in a pan in the oven and goes down to the corner grocery to get some food for "Patrick's dinner" (making sure the grocer sees her normal and cheerful state of mind). She returns home and screams when she finds Patrick lying on the floor. She calls the police and informs them that she found her husband lying dead on the floor. Within hours swarms of officers are searching the house and conducting an investigation. Mary's story of coming home from the grocer and finding him is corroborated as she had planned. While the police are searching fruitlessly into the night for the murder weapon, Mary offers them some lamb that she had prepared for dinner. They are happy to oblige. While they lounge in the kitchen and discuss the case (their mouths "sloppy" with meat), Mary Maloney sits in the living room and giggles softly to herself.
Man from the south
Plot/Description
The narrator of this famous story is never named, but I always presumed him to be an English writer (i.e. Dahl's stand-in). This narrator is lounging by a pool at a Jamaican hotel when he meets a strange little South American man in a white suit and cream Panama hat. They are joined by an American boy and an English girl, and the boy offers them all a cigarette. When he boasts that his lighter always lights, even in such wind, the old man asks if he's willing to bet on it. The boy is surprised but agrees to bet a dollar. The old man laughs and offers to up the stakes: If the boy can light his lighter ten times in a row, he will give him a brand new Cadillac. If the boy loses, the man will cut off the little finger on his left hand. After some deliberation, the boy agrees to the bet. They all go up to the old man's room where he prepares for the bet. The boy's hand is tied to the desk with his pinky sticking out and the man holds a chopping knife at the ready. The boy makes it up to eight successful lights when the door suddenly opens and a woman rushes in yelling in Spanish. She throws the old man down on the bed and apologizes to the others. She says that she should not have left him alone and that he has taken forty-seven fingers where they come from. She eventually managed to win everything from him, but it took her a long time. The last thing the narrator sees as he leaves the room is the woman's hand... with only one finger and one thumb left on it.
Mrs. Bixby and the Colonel's Coat
Plot/Description
Some sources refer to this as a "story-within-a-story", but I wouldn't go so far. It's more like a story with a little stitched-on introduction. Critics like to point to this tale as yet another example of Dahl's misogyny, but it's actually quite different for a husband to win against a wife in his work (see "Lamb to the Slaughter" or "The Way Up to Heaven"). Interesting note: the official Dahl site launched with a typo that referred to the story as "Mrs. Bixby and the Colonel's Cat." Sorta changes things, doesn't it? *grin*
Dahl introduces the story by commenting on the ruthless practice of American woman marrying men, using them, and divorcing them just for financial gain. He claims that these poor overworked men meet in bars and console themselves with tales in which cuckolded men win one over the evil forces of femininity. The most famous of these stories is "Mrs. Bixby and the Colonel's Coat", which is about a hard-working dentist and his duplicitous wife. Mrs. Bixby leaves home once a month ostensibly to visit her aunt in Baltimore, but really she spends the time with her lover, the Colonel. On this particular occasion she receives a parting gift from the Colonel, and when she opens it on the train home she is amazed to find an extremely beautiful and valuable mink coat. In a note the Colonel explains that their relationship has to end, but Mrs. Bixby is consoled by the thought of her fabulous new possession. Immediately she begins scheming and trying to think of a story she can tell her husband about where she obtained it. She decides to visit a pawnbroker and borrow $50 against the coat, receiving a blank pawn ticket in return. When she gets home she tells her husband that she found the ticket in a taxicab and he excitedly explains how they go about claiming it. Since she doesn't want to be recognized by the pawnbroker, she lets him go to claim the item after he promises that he'll give whatever it is to her. He calls her from work the next day to let her know that he has the item, and that she's going to be really surprised and happy. Mrs. Bixby is too eager to wait, so she goes to her husband's office to pick up the coat. Imagine her surprise, then, when her husband places a mangy mink stole around her neck! She feigns happiness for his sake, while secretly planning to return to the pawnbroker and accuse him of switching the coat for this worthless item. On her way out of the office, though, she is passed by her husband's young assistant secretary, Miss Pulteney... wearing the "beautiful black mink coat that the Colonel had given to Mrs. Bixby."
My Lady Love, My Dove
Plot/Description
Arthur is happily married to Pamela, a very wealthy yet overbearing woman. They are awaiting some weekend guests, the Snapes, and Pamela isn't looking forward to it. The only reason she invited them was that the Snapes are good bridge players and they play for a decent stake. Suddenly Pamela gets the idea that they should bug the Snapes's room. Arthur doesn't like the idea, but Pamela bullies him and reminds him that they've done similar things together in the past. "I'm a nasty person," she says. "And so are you -- in a secret sort of way. That's why we get along together." Arthur is eventually persuaded to hide a microphone in the guest room and run the wire to the speaker in the master bedroom. Later the guests arrive and everyone has a pleasant dinner. Afterwards they play bridge, and the Snapes have all the luck. The wife, Sally, makes one mistake though that costs them several hundred points. At the end of the evening the couples part and Pamela excitedly tells Arthur to turn on the speaker. They are astonished to hear Mr. Snape reprimanding his wife for her earlier bridge error. She apologizes, but he tells her that they're just going to have to practice some more. Arthur realizes that they're talking about a betting code which allows them to cheat and know all of their partner's cards. Arthur isn't sure what they should do about it, and waits for Pamela's decision. Her words shock him: "Why, Arthur, this is a mar-vellous idea... Go fetch a deck of cards; we'll start right away."
Neck
Plot/Description
I think this story is a lot more effective if you actually visualize it like you're seeing it on television. Dahl did, in fact, dramatize it on his show Tales of the Unexpected with Sir John Gielgud as the butler Jelks and Joan Collins as Natalia. Doesn't that just make it even better?
The narrator, a newspaper society columnist, starts off by telling us the history of Sir Basil Turton. Sir Basil inherited a vast newspaper empire from his father and immediately became the most sought-after bachelor in London. He was swept off his feet by a dazzling foreign woman named Natalia and they were married not long after. The narrator meets Lady Turton at a dinner party and, though he finds her manners rude, manages to wrangle an invitation to visit her home the next weekend. When the day arrives, the narrator drives down and is astonished at the variety of topiary and sculpture on the grounds of Wooton (Sir Basil's estate). He enters the house and is shown to his room by a footman. Instantly he can tell that something is wrong in this house. While changing for dinner, our narrator is interrupted by Jelks, the butler, who launches into a peculiar rant about tipping. The upshot is that he would rather the narrator split his card winnings from the weekend with him than to tip. The narrator agrees, but is not amused when Jelks goes on to give him tips about Lady Turton's playing tactics. The narrator gets the idea that Jelks doesn't much like Lady Turton, nor her other houseguests. The narrator meets everyone else at dinner, and settles down to converse with Sir Basil about sculpture. Lady Turton amuses herself with her friends Carmen La Rosa and Major Jack Haddock, a bounder that is obviously in love with her. The narrator notices that Sir Basil is well aware of his wife's indiscretion, but he's unable to bring himself to do anything about it. The next day, the narrator and Sir Basil go for a walk around the estate. They take a seat up high on a hill that overlooks the entire garden. In the middle of their conversation, they witness Lady Turton and Major Haddock cavorting on one of the lawns, unaware that they are being watched. Haddock has a camera and is taking pictures of Lady Turton, who is mocking one of the sculptures. As a joke, she puts her head through a hole in the sculpture and then Haddock kisses her. Unfortunately, her head gets stuck. Sir Basil suggests that perhaps they should go help her out. When Sir Basil and the narrator arrive, Natalia is embarrassed and furious. Sir Basil tells Jelks to go get him something so that he can take the sculpture apart. Jelks returns with a saw and an axe. Everybody freezes as Jelks holds out the implements, and the narrator notices that Jelks slightly pushes the axe forward. Sir Basil takes the axe. The narrator says, "For me, after that, it was like the awful moment when you see a child running out into the road and a car is coming and all you can do is shut your eyes tight and wait..." When he finally opens his eyes, Sir Basil is telling Jelks that the axe is far too dangerous and requesting the saw. Lady Turton looks quite ill and her "mouth was opening and shutting making a kind of gurgling sound". The narrator notices that, for the first time, Sir Basil has rosy cheeks and a smile in his eyes.
Nunc Dimittis
Plot/Description
This is one of my favorite Dahl stories, and the one with (I think) the most potent twist in the tail of all. It's not until the very last sentence that you understand the true story.
Lionel Lampson is a wealthy older gentleman who enjoys fine art and the company of the upper classes. One night he escorts a vulgar woman named Gladys Ponsonby home from a dinner party. Gladys, who is a little drunk, shows off a new portrait of herself that she had commissioned. She tells Lionel a secret - the artist, John Royden, paints all his subjects first in the nude, then in their underwear, and lastly in their clothes. He is shocked and correctly deduces that this is why all the wealthy women in town are rushing to have their portraits painted by him. Gladys then changes the subject and asks Lionel about his relationship with a young beauty named Janet de Pelagia. Lionel is embarrassed until Gladys relates that earlier that afternoon Janet had called him a "crashing bore". Lionel is outraged and forces Gladys to repeat the entire conversation. He is so upset to hear what Janet thinks about him that he swoons. The next day he wakes and vows revenge. He hits upon the perfect plan and calls up this artist Royden. He tells him that he'd like a picture of Janet, but doesn't want her to know about it. He pays Royden a handsome amount for his services, and then goes off to Italy for four months. By the time Lionel returns, Royden has finished the painting and it's the talk of the Royal Academy. Royden delivers it to Lionel, who can't wait to move on to the second part of his plan. He is an expert clearner and restorer of paintings, and very carefully he begins to remove the top layer (the clothing) of the painting. By the time he has finished, Janet de Pelagia is standing before him almost life-size in nothing but her underclothes. Lionel then invites Janet and all the top members of society to his home for a dinner party. He keeps the dining room dark and they eat by candlelight. At the very end, he has the maid turn on the light. As he slips from the room, he has the pleasure of seeing on Janet's face the "surprised, not-quite-understanding look of a person who precisely one second before has been shot dead, right through the heart". As the outraged guests begin to exclaim over the painting, Lionel gets into his car and speeds off to his other house. Two days later, he receives a phone call from Gladys Ponsonby that kills his good mood. She tells him that all his old friends are against him and have sworn never to speak to him again. Lionel begins to feel quite bad. Then, in the post arrives a letter from Janet forgiving him and saying that she knew it was a joke and that she's always loved him. She also sends him a jar of his favorite food, caviare. As the story ends, Lionel mentions that he might have eaten too much of it, as he isn't feeling too well right now. In fact, he says, "come to think of it, I really do feel rather ill all of a sudden."
(If you don't get it, she sent him poisoned caviare as her revenge.)
Parson's Pleasure
Plot/Description
Interesting note: the protagonist of this story, Mr. Boggis, has the same name as one of the farmers in Fantastic Mr. Fox. Also, three of the characters from this story (Claud, Bert, and Mr. Rummins) appear in several of Dahl's other short stories in Ah, Sweet Mystery of Life.
Mr. Cyril Boggis is an antiques dealer in Chelsea, London. He doesn't have a large shop, but he still manages to make a tidy income each year by buying the most remarkable pieces of furniture at very, very cheap prices and selling them for immense profits. His friends in the trade wonder where he finds such rare items so regularly. It turns out that Mr. Boggis's scheme is rather simple: he dresses up as a clergyman and visits English farmhouses under the pretenses of writing articles for the Society for the Preservation of Rare Furniture. When he finds something valuable, he makes the person an offer and then sells the item in his shop for twenty times as much. On this particular trip he's canvassing the county of Buckinghamshire and comes across three locals (Claud, Bert, and Rummins) near a dirty, ramshackle farmhouse. Once he convinces them to let him inside, he is flabbergasted to see a Chippendate Commode standing in the living room. The Commodes were made by the famous 18th-century furniture maker Thomas Chippendate, and only three others were known to be in existence. Boggis nearly faints when he realizes that this piece could fetch up to twenty thousand pounds in an auction. He recovers, though, and mentions that he needs a new set of legs for a table he has at home. The ones on the commode, he says, would just fit. Rummins is doubtful, and so Boggis cons him into thinking that the piece is simply a worthless Victorian reproduction. He finally ends up purchasing the commode for the grand total of twenty pounds. After he leaves to get his car, the three men decide to help him out by cutting the legs off for him. Rummins also speculates that the parson might back out of the deal if he can't fit the entire piece into his car (he doesn't know that Boggis has a station wagon), so Claud takes an axe and breaks the commode to pieces. "I'll tell you one thing," he says. "That was a bloody good carpenter put this job together and I don't care what the parson says." At that moment, Mr. Boggis drives up in his car.
Royal Jelly
Plot/Description
Personally, I think this is one of Dahl's scariest stories. The description of the baby at the end... *shudder* I read it aloud to some of college roommates once and they were freaked out.
This is a simple story and concerns the Taylor family: Albert, Mabel, and their newborn baby daughter. Mabel is frightened because the child won't eat and has been losing weight since birth. She's desperate and frantic, but the doctors can't do anything. After she goes to bed, Albert begins to read from one of his many books on beekeeping. He's always had a way with bees, and now he makes his living by maintaining over 200 hives and selling the honey. This particular night he is reading about royal jelly, which is a substance that the worker bees produce and feed to the larvae for the first three days of their lives. It allows the young bees to rapidly mature and grow in size. Queen bees, however, are continuously fed the stuff throughout their larval life. It's what actually, physically changes them into queens. Albert gets the idea that this stuff could help his daughter grow too. When Mabel comes downstairs the next morning, she is astounded to hear that the baby has drank five ounces of milk throughout the night. She watches as Albert prepares another bottle and the child ravenously drains the entire contents. She gets curious, though, when Albert later claims to have cured the baby himself. He finally confesses that he added large quantities of royal jelly to the baby formula, much to Mabel's shock and dismay. He tries to convince her with facts and statistics, but she will have none of it. She tells him that even if it does work, they had a terrible honey crop the previous year and she doesn't want any bees devoted to making it. She forbids him from feeding anymore of it to the child. At the next feeding, the baby drinks two bottles and physically seems to be getting fatter. They go to weigh the child and Mabel is frightened to see that though she's put on weight on her abdomen, her arms and legs are skinny and her tummy is beginning to sprout "yellowy-brown hairs." Mabel accuses him of dosing the child with more royal jelly, which Albert admits to. In a last ditch attempt to convince his wife that it's perfectly healthy, he admits that last year he turned over half his bees to the production of the jelly, which he consumed himself. He did it in the hopes that it would make him more fertile, and it obviously worked since he daughter was conceived not long after. Mabel suddenly realizes that her husband does really resemble a great big bee, and her daughter laying on the table looks like nothing so much as a gigantic grub. "Why don't you cover her up, Mabel?" he says. "We don't want our little queen to catch a cold."
Skin
Plot/Description
The year is 1946 and an old man named Drioli shuffles across the Parisian street in the freezing cold. He stops before a picture gallery to admire the painting in the window... and suddenly recognizes the name of the artist. "Chaim Soutine... My little Kalmuck, that's who it is!" Drioli remembers a night thirty years before, when he had come home from his tattoo parlor flush with cash and bearing bottles of wine. The boy (Soutine) had been painting a picture of Drioli's wife, with whom he was infatuated. The three of them get very drunk and Drioli comes up with an idea ? he wants the boy to paint a picture on his back and then tattoo over it! The boy only agrees when Drioli's wife Josie says she will pose for the picture. It takes all night, but eventually the picture is finished and signed. Not long after, the boy disappeared and they never saw him again. Josie died during the second World War and Drioli's tattooing business collapsed. Now, in the present, he is reduced to begging in the streets. He decides to go in and see the other Soutine pictures on display. The gallery workers try to throw him out, but before they can he takes off his shirt and shows the crowd his tattooed back. They are amazed and immediately several men offer to buy the painting from him. Eventually Drioli is faced with a choice: one man offers to pay for a major skin-grafting operation, while another simply asks Drioli to come live at his hotel (the Bristol in Cannes) and exhibit the painting to his guests. Drioli chooses the latter and goes off to dinner with the man. Not long after, a strange painting by Soutine shows up for sale in Buenos Aires. And, the narrator tells us, there is no hotel called the Bristol in Cannes.
Taste
Plot/Desciption
The setting for this story is a dinner party at the home of stock broker Mike Schofield. The guests include Schofield and his wife and daughter, the narrator and his wife, and a man called Richard Pratt. Pratt is a famous gourmet and enjoys showing off his knowledge of fine wine and food. He is also a thoroughly unpleasant man. Both times prior that Pratt dined with Schofield, the two men made a curious bet: Schofield bet that Pratt could not identify some special wine that he had procured for the night. Pratt had always won. On the night this story takes place, Schofield thinks that he will finally win one over on the gourmet. He has a very rare bottle of claret from a tiny chateau in France, and he boasts that Pratt will never be able to guess it. Pratt, who had been spending the night engrossed in conversation with Schofield's daughter Louise, takes the bet and asks to up the stakes. He offers to bet two of his houses against the hand of Louise in marriage. Both Louise and her mother are against it, but Schofield manages to convince them to accept. He believes that Pratt has no chance of winning. Pratt then proceeds to smell and taste the wine, and he slowly begins to narrow down its possible origin. Eventually he gets the correct answer and Schofield sits there horrified. Just as Pratt is starting to get nasty about the bet, the house maid appears at his arm and offers him his spectacles, which he had misplaced earlier. He takes no notice of her, but she stands her ground and reminds him (rather loudly) that he left them in Mr. Schofield's study on top of the filing cabinet when he went in there that evening... which is just where Pratt, on a previous visit, had advised Schofield to leave his wines to "breathe". In other words, he cheated!
The landlady
Plot/Description
This is one of Dahl's most famous stories and it's been dramatized on television at least once. It's got one of my favorite endings too, simply because it's so simple and subtle. And scary! :)
Billy Weaver arrives in Bath after taking the train from London. He's never been to the town before, but he's due to start a new job there soon and he's excited at the prospect. He heads toward The Bell and Dragon, which is a pub he's been told he could spend the night at. On the way though, he notices a sign in the window of a nearby house: "BED AND BREAKFAST." Billy looks in the window and notices that it's a charming house, with a roaring fire and a little dog curled up asleep on the rug. On an impulse, he decides to check it out and rings the bell. It is answered immediately a little old lady who invites him to enter and tells him the room rate. As it's less than half what he was prepared to pay, Billy decides to stay. She tells him that he is the only guest as she takes him to his room. When he goes downstairs to sign the guest-book, he notices that there are only two names in the entire book. The names are over two years old... and what's more, they strike him as being familiar. As he struggles to remember where he's heard the names before, the landlady brings him a cup of tea. He seems to remember that one of them was an Eton schoolboy that disappeared, but she assures him that her Mr. Temple was different. Billy sits down before the fire with his tea and notices a strange odor that comes from the woman, something like walnuts or new leather. They begin talking about the former guests, and she notes that both of them were handsome young men just like him. He asks if they left recently, and she replies that both of them are still in the house on the fourth floor. Billy is confused and tries to change the subject by commenting on a parrot in a cage, which he thought was alive but just realized is stuffed. The landlady reveals that she herself stuffed the bird, and as she is a taxidermist she stuffs all her own pets. Billy realizes with a shock that the little dachsund by the fire isn't alive. He also notices a curious bitter almond taste in his tea, and he asks the landlady again: "Haven't there been any other guests here except them in the last two or three years?" She gives him a little smile as she replies, "No, my dear. Only you."
(If you don't get it, here's what happens: she poisoned the other two men and stuffed them. Billy has read of their disappearances in the newspaper, and now he's to be the next victim! The bitter almond taste in his tea is potassium cyanide.)
The way up to heaven
Plot/Description
Mrs. Foster has a pathological fear of being late. Whenever she is in danger of missing a train or plane or an engagement, a tiny muscle near her eye begins to twitch. The worst part is that her husband, Mr. Eugene Foster, seems to torment her by making sure that they always leave the house one or two minutes past the point of safety. On this particular occasion Mrs. Foster is leaving to visit her daughter and grandchildren in Paris for the first time ever, and she's frantic to think that she'll miss her flight. By the time her husband finally joins her at the car, she's too far behind schedule. Luckily the flight is postponed til the next day, and Mr. Foster persuades her to come home for the night. When she's ready to leave the next day, though, her husband suggests that they drop him off at his club on the way. Knowing this will make her late, she protests in vain. Just before the car leaves, he runs back in the house on the pretense of picking up a gift he forgot for his daughter. While he's gone Mrs. Foster discovers the gift box shoved down between the seat cushions. She runs up to the house to tell him that she has the gift... and suddenly she pauses. She listens. She stays frozen for 10 seconds, straining to hear something. Then she turns and runs to the car, telling the driver that they're too late and her husband will have to find another ride. She makes her flight and has a wonderful visit with her grandchildren. She writes her husband every week and sends him a telegram before she flies home six weeks later. He's not at the airport to meet her though, and when she enters the house (after taking a taxi home) she notices a curious odor in the air. Satisfied, she enters her husband's study and calls the elevator repairman. It had jammed and she left him to die there!
William and Mary
Plot/Description
This is another of Dahl's most famous short stories, and it's been dramatized a number of times. Jeremy Treglown notes in his biography that Dahl did a great deal of neurosurgical research to make sure that experiment described would be as realistic as possible. Another interesting note: the names of the main characters, William and Mary, are the same as the two white mice in The Witches.
Mary Pearl's husband William has passed away one week ago, and after the lawyer reads the Will, he gives her a letter from her dead husband. She returns home to read it, smoking a cigarette and admiring her new television set. She wonders what her demanding husband could possibly have to say to her. Maybe he's finally decided to thank her for thirty years of dedication and service. Instead, she is shocked to discover twenty pages about a scientific experiment that an Oxford colleague convinced him to volunteer for. After his death from cancer, William's brain was hooked up to an artificial heart machine and removed from his skull. It now resides in a basin of cerebrospinal fluid and only exists because the machines keep pumping it full of oxygenated blood. The doctor, Landy, has even managed to save one of William's eyes, which is connected to his brain by the optic nerve and floats on top of the fluid in a plastic case. William urges her to put aside her revulsion and to come visit him to see how the experiment turned out. In a postscript he reminds her not to "drink cocktails... waste money... smoke cigarettes... buy a television apparatus." Mary is appalled that a part of her husband is still alive and dictating commands to her. Her automatic sense of duty kicks in, though, and she heads to the laboratory to meet with Landy. He shows her William's brain, conscious and alive in its basin, and she is surprised to feel a sort of affection for him in this state. "He looks so helpless and silent lying there," she says. She announces to the doctor that she wants to take her husband home. He is astounded and tries to talk her out of her plan, but she is adamant. As he tries to get her to leave the lab, she leans down over the eye to say goodbye. She takes a puff of her cigarette and is delighted to see the pupil contract into a "minute black pinpoint of absolute fury." The tables have turned and now Mary is in control. "Don't look so cross, William," she says. "It isn't any good looking cross... Not anymore it isn't. Because from now on, my pet, you're going to do just exactly what Mary tells you." Landy finally pulls her from the room as she exclaims, "Isn't he sweet? Isn't he darling? I just can't wait to get him home."
This collection showcases sixteen of Roald Dahl's finest tales, taken from "Kiss Kiss" and "Someone Like You". There are tales of the risk-takers, such as the man who wagers his daughter's hand in marriage to a wine connoisseur, or the traveller who throws himself overboard on a cruise liner to win a bet. Here too is the understated cruelty of "Edward the Conqueror," in which a mysterious cat seems to threaten domestic life, or the innocuous-seeming "Landlady," whose guests stay for longer than they intend. Not forgetting the satisfyingly shocking tales of revenge, such as "Nunc Dimittis" or "Lamb to the Slaughter."
Dip in the Pool
Plot/Description
This story is an exercise in subtlety, from the gentle joke of its title to the surprise catch at its ending. The main character, Mr. Botibol, also has the same name as the protagonist from another Dahl story, "Mr. Botibol".
Mr. Botibol is traveling across the ocean in a large ship and wants desperately to win the passenger auction. Each night the captain of the ship estimates the distance that they will cover in 24 hours, and a range of possible numbers are then auctioned off to the guests. Whoever owns the correct number the next day wins the amount of money in the pool. Mr. Botibol notices that the sea has suddenly gotten rough and that this will surely slow down the ship and throw off the captain's estimate. Confident in victory, then, he uses his life savings to win the "low field" number (meaning any number more than 10 less than the estimate). When he wakes up the next morning, though, the sea is calm and the ship is making up for lost time. Mr. Botibol arrives at the desperate conclusion that jumping overboard is the only way to slow down the ship and therefore win the pool. He plans his strategy very deliberately ? he will wear light tennis clothes (so he can swim better), he will make sure another person witnesses his "fall" and reports it to the captain, and he will swim as far from the ship as possible so that it must turn completely astern to pick him up. He finds the deck deserted except for one older woman. After talking to her briefly he concludes that she is neither deaf nor blind, and within moments he has plunged into the water screaming for help. The woman acts confused for a moment, then relaxes and watches the small bobbing man get further and further away. At the very end of the story, a bony woman comes out to collect the older lady and admonishes her for "wandering about." The old woman is seemingly a mental patient!
Edward the Conqueror
Plot/Description
This story shares a similar element with "Mr. Botibol," that of a normal person envisioning himself as a concert performer. The woman in the story, Louisa, makes a daily habit of playing a piano programme for herself and her imaginary audience. One day she befriends a stray cat and is amazed when he seems to respond to her playing. After several experiments, she concludes that he is not what he seems.
In fact, Louisa becomes convinced that the cat is none other than the reincarnated composter Franz Liszt himself. Her husband Edward, on the other hand, thinks that Louisa is delusional. He begins to resent her attachment to the cat and refuses to entertain the possibility that it's anything more than an average stray. When she begins to question Edward's authority and accuses him of being frightened of her discovery, he lashes out at her in one final attempt to correct her priorities. Louisa remains steadfast. While she is in the kitchen preparing dinner for "Franz," Edward heads out to the bonfire he has started in the backyard. When he returns Louisa notices a long thin scratch on one arm. He has thrown the cat in the fire!
Galloping Foxley
Plot/Description
This story has a very autobiographical feeling to it, and one can't help but wonder whether it actually happened to Dahl or not. His feelings about the English Public School system are well?documented (see Boy ? Tales of Childhood or Jeremy Treglown's "Roald Dahl: A Biography"), and he loads this short story full of so many intense details that it seems unlikely he would ever make such a thing up.
The story, if indeed it can be called that (since there really isn't much of a plot at all), is about a "contented commuter" named William Perkins. He is a distinguished businessman and prides himself on the regularity and precision with which he goes about his daily routine. One day his peace is shattered, however, when a newcomer joins the usual group waiting for the commuter train. After several days of grudging conversation with this obnoxious man, Perkins suddenly recognizes him as Bruce "Galloping" Foxley, an older boy who sadistically tormented and tortured him for years in school. The entire story then comes to a grinding halt as fifty?year?old memories begin to flood Perkins: warming the toilet seat for Foxley, cleaning Foxley's study, receiving a beating from Foxley. As Perkins becomes more and more shaken by these memories, he decides to reveal himself to the man and watch his reaction. He leans over and introduces himself: "My name is Perkins ? William Perkins ? and I was at Repton in 1907." Imagine his surprise, then, when his companion answers, "I'm glad to meet you. Mine's Fortescue ? Jocelyn Fortescue, Eton 1916." He is NOT Galloping Foxley!
Lamb to the slaughter
Plot/Description
This is probably the most well?known of all Dahl's short stories, simply because (in my opinion) it's so simple. There isn't a single wasted word in it. It's gripping, shocking, and yet the story proceeds in such a rational manner that the reader's suspension of disbelief is never broken. We are with Mary Maloney from the first sentence of the story, and only at the end do we realize that we never really knew her at all.
Mary Maloney is a devoted wife and expectant mother. She waits happily each night for the arrival of her husband Patrick, home from work at the police station. On this particular night, though, she can tell something is wrong. In disbelief, she listens as Patrick tells her that he is leaving her for another woman. [Actually Dahl never really says this; the details are left up to the reader's imagination.] Dazed, she goes into the kitchen to prepare their supper and pulls a large frozen leg of lamb from the deep freeze. Still numb, she carries it into the living room and without warning bashes her husband over the head with it. As she looks at Patrick lying dead on the floor, she slowly begins to come back to her senses. Immediately she realizes the ramifications of what she has done. Not wanting her unborn child to suffer as a result of her crime, she begins planning her alibi. She places the leg of lamb in a pan in the oven and goes down to the corner grocery to get some food for "Patrick's dinner" (making sure the grocer sees her normal and cheerful state of mind). She returns home and screams when she finds Patrick lying on the floor. She calls the police and informs them that she found her husband lying dead on the floor. Within hours swarms of officers are searching the house and conducting an investigation. Mary's story of coming home from the grocer and finding him is corroborated as she had planned. While the police are searching fruitlessly into the night for the murder weapon, Mary offers them some lamb that she had prepared for dinner. They are happy to oblige. While they lounge in the kitchen and discuss the case (their mouths "sloppy" with meat), Mary Maloney sits in the living room and giggles softly to herself.
Man from the south
Plot/Description
The narrator of this famous story is never named, but I always presumed him to be an English writer (i.e. Dahl's stand-in). This narrator is lounging by a pool at a Jamaican hotel when he meets a strange little South American man in a white suit and cream Panama hat. They are joined by an American boy and an English girl, and the boy offers them all a cigarette. When he boasts that his lighter always lights, even in such wind, the old man asks if he's willing to bet on it. The boy is surprised but agrees to bet a dollar. The old man laughs and offers to up the stakes: If the boy can light his lighter ten times in a row, he will give him a brand new Cadillac. If the boy loses, the man will cut off the little finger on his left hand. After some deliberation, the boy agrees to the bet. They all go up to the old man's room where he prepares for the bet. The boy's hand is tied to the desk with his pinky sticking out and the man holds a chopping knife at the ready. The boy makes it up to eight successful lights when the door suddenly opens and a woman rushes in yelling in Spanish. She throws the old man down on the bed and apologizes to the others. She says that she should not have left him alone and that he has taken forty-seven fingers where they come from. She eventually managed to win everything from him, but it took her a long time. The last thing the narrator sees as he leaves the room is the woman's hand... with only one finger and one thumb left on it.
Mrs. Bixby and the Colonel's Coat
Plot/Description
Some sources refer to this as a "story-within-a-story", but I wouldn't go so far. It's more like a story with a little stitched-on introduction. Critics like to point to this tale as yet another example of Dahl's misogyny, but it's actually quite different for a husband to win against a wife in his work (see "Lamb to the Slaughter" or "The Way Up to Heaven"). Interesting note: the official Dahl site launched with a typo that referred to the story as "Mrs. Bixby and the Colonel's Cat." Sorta changes things, doesn't it? *grin*
Dahl introduces the story by commenting on the ruthless practice of American woman marrying men, using them, and divorcing them just for financial gain. He claims that these poor overworked men meet in bars and console themselves with tales in which cuckolded men win one over the evil forces of femininity. The most famous of these stories is "Mrs. Bixby and the Colonel's Coat", which is about a hard-working dentist and his duplicitous wife. Mrs. Bixby leaves home once a month ostensibly to visit her aunt in Baltimore, but really she spends the time with her lover, the Colonel. On this particular occasion she receives a parting gift from the Colonel, and when she opens it on the train home she is amazed to find an extremely beautiful and valuable mink coat. In a note the Colonel explains that their relationship has to end, but Mrs. Bixby is consoled by the thought of her fabulous new possession. Immediately she begins scheming and trying to think of a story she can tell her husband about where she obtained it. She decides to visit a pawnbroker and borrow $50 against the coat, receiving a blank pawn ticket in return. When she gets home she tells her husband that she found the ticket in a taxicab and he excitedly explains how they go about claiming it. Since she doesn't want to be recognized by the pawnbroker, she lets him go to claim the item after he promises that he'll give whatever it is to her. He calls her from work the next day to let her know that he has the item, and that she's going to be really surprised and happy. Mrs. Bixby is too eager to wait, so she goes to her husband's office to pick up the coat. Imagine her surprise, then, when her husband places a mangy mink stole around her neck! She feigns happiness for his sake, while secretly planning to return to the pawnbroker and accuse him of switching the coat for this worthless item. On her way out of the office, though, she is passed by her husband's young assistant secretary, Miss Pulteney... wearing the "beautiful black mink coat that the Colonel had given to Mrs. Bixby."
My Lady Love, My Dove
Plot/Description
Arthur is happily married to Pamela, a very wealthy yet overbearing woman. They are awaiting some weekend guests, the Snapes, and Pamela isn't looking forward to it. The only reason she invited them was that the Snapes are good bridge players and they play for a decent stake. Suddenly Pamela gets the idea that they should bug the Snapes's room. Arthur doesn't like the idea, but Pamela bullies him and reminds him that they've done similar things together in the past. "I'm a nasty person," she says. "And so are you -- in a secret sort of way. That's why we get along together." Arthur is eventually persuaded to hide a microphone in the guest room and run the wire to the speaker in the master bedroom. Later the guests arrive and everyone has a pleasant dinner. Afterwards they play bridge, and the Snapes have all the luck. The wife, Sally, makes one mistake though that costs them several hundred points. At the end of the evening the couples part and Pamela excitedly tells Arthur to turn on the speaker. They are astonished to hear Mr. Snape reprimanding his wife for her earlier bridge error. She apologizes, but he tells her that they're just going to have to practice some more. Arthur realizes that they're talking about a betting code which allows them to cheat and know all of their partner's cards. Arthur isn't sure what they should do about it, and waits for Pamela's decision. Her words shock him: "Why, Arthur, this is a mar-vellous idea... Go fetch a deck of cards; we'll start right away."
Neck
Plot/Description
I think this story is a lot more effective if you actually visualize it like you're seeing it on television. Dahl did, in fact, dramatize it on his show Tales of the Unexpected with Sir John Gielgud as the butler Jelks and Joan Collins as Natalia. Doesn't that just make it even better?
The narrator, a newspaper society columnist, starts off by telling us the history of Sir Basil Turton. Sir Basil inherited a vast newspaper empire from his father and immediately became the most sought-after bachelor in London. He was swept off his feet by a dazzling foreign woman named Natalia and they were married not long after. The narrator meets Lady Turton at a dinner party and, though he finds her manners rude, manages to wrangle an invitation to visit her home the next weekend. When the day arrives, the narrator drives down and is astonished at the variety of topiary and sculpture on the grounds of Wooton (Sir Basil's estate). He enters the house and is shown to his room by a footman. Instantly he can tell that something is wrong in this house. While changing for dinner, our narrator is interrupted by Jelks, the butler, who launches into a peculiar rant about tipping. The upshot is that he would rather the narrator split his card winnings from the weekend with him than to tip. The narrator agrees, but is not amused when Jelks goes on to give him tips about Lady Turton's playing tactics. The narrator gets the idea that Jelks doesn't much like Lady Turton, nor her other houseguests. The narrator meets everyone else at dinner, and settles down to converse with Sir Basil about sculpture. Lady Turton amuses herself with her friends Carmen La Rosa and Major Jack Haddock, a bounder that is obviously in love with her. The narrator notices that Sir Basil is well aware of his wife's indiscretion, but he's unable to bring himself to do anything about it. The next day, the narrator and Sir Basil go for a walk around the estate. They take a seat up high on a hill that overlooks the entire garden. In the middle of their conversation, they witness Lady Turton and Major Haddock cavorting on one of the lawns, unaware that they are being watched. Haddock has a camera and is taking pictures of Lady Turton, who is mocking one of the sculptures. As a joke, she puts her head through a hole in the sculpture and then Haddock kisses her. Unfortunately, her head gets stuck. Sir Basil suggests that perhaps they should go help her out. When Sir Basil and the narrator arrive, Natalia is embarrassed and furious. Sir Basil tells Jelks to go get him something so that he can take the sculpture apart. Jelks returns with a saw and an axe. Everybody freezes as Jelks holds out the implements, and the narrator notices that Jelks slightly pushes the axe forward. Sir Basil takes the axe. The narrator says, "For me, after that, it was like the awful moment when you see a child running out into the road and a car is coming and all you can do is shut your eyes tight and wait..." When he finally opens his eyes, Sir Basil is telling Jelks that the axe is far too dangerous and requesting the saw. Lady Turton looks quite ill and her "mouth was opening and shutting making a kind of gurgling sound". The narrator notices that, for the first time, Sir Basil has rosy cheeks and a smile in his eyes.
Nunc Dimittis
Plot/Description
This is one of my favorite Dahl stories, and the one with (I think) the most potent twist in the tail of all. It's not until the very last sentence that you understand the true story.
Lionel Lampson is a wealthy older gentleman who enjoys fine art and the company of the upper classes. One night he escorts a vulgar woman named Gladys Ponsonby home from a dinner party. Gladys, who is a little drunk, shows off a new portrait of herself that she had commissioned. She tells Lionel a secret - the artist, John Royden, paints all his subjects first in the nude, then in their underwear, and lastly in their clothes. He is shocked and correctly deduces that this is why all the wealthy women in town are rushing to have their portraits painted by him. Gladys then changes the subject and asks Lionel about his relationship with a young beauty named Janet de Pelagia. Lionel is embarrassed until Gladys relates that earlier that afternoon Janet had called him a "crashing bore". Lionel is outraged and forces Gladys to repeat the entire conversation. He is so upset to hear what Janet thinks about him that he swoons. The next day he wakes and vows revenge. He hits upon the perfect plan and calls up this artist Royden. He tells him that he'd like a picture of Janet, but doesn't want her to know about it. He pays Royden a handsome amount for his services, and then goes off to Italy for four months. By the time Lionel returns, Royden has finished the painting and it's the talk of the Royal Academy. Royden delivers it to Lionel, who can't wait to move on to the second part of his plan. He is an expert clearner and restorer of paintings, and very carefully he begins to remove the top layer (the clothing) of the painting. By the time he has finished, Janet de Pelagia is standing before him almost life-size in nothing but her underclothes. Lionel then invites Janet and all the top members of society to his home for a dinner party. He keeps the dining room dark and they eat by candlelight. At the very end, he has the maid turn on the light. As he slips from the room, he has the pleasure of seeing on Janet's face the "surprised, not-quite-understanding look of a person who precisely one second before has been shot dead, right through the heart". As the outraged guests begin to exclaim over the painting, Lionel gets into his car and speeds off to his other house. Two days later, he receives a phone call from Gladys Ponsonby that kills his good mood. She tells him that all his old friends are against him and have sworn never to speak to him again. Lionel begins to feel quite bad. Then, in the post arrives a letter from Janet forgiving him and saying that she knew it was a joke and that she's always loved him. She also sends him a jar of his favorite food, caviare. As the story ends, Lionel mentions that he might have eaten too much of it, as he isn't feeling too well right now. In fact, he says, "come to think of it, I really do feel rather ill all of a sudden."
(If you don't get it, she sent him poisoned caviare as her revenge.)
Parson's Pleasure
Plot/Description
Interesting note: the protagonist of this story, Mr. Boggis, has the same name as one of the farmers in Fantastic Mr. Fox. Also, three of the characters from this story (Claud, Bert, and Mr. Rummins) appear in several of Dahl's other short stories in Ah, Sweet Mystery of Life.
Mr. Cyril Boggis is an antiques dealer in Chelsea, London. He doesn't have a large shop, but he still manages to make a tidy income each year by buying the most remarkable pieces of furniture at very, very cheap prices and selling them for immense profits. His friends in the trade wonder where he finds such rare items so regularly. It turns out that Mr. Boggis's scheme is rather simple: he dresses up as a clergyman and visits English farmhouses under the pretenses of writing articles for the Society for the Preservation of Rare Furniture. When he finds something valuable, he makes the person an offer and then sells the item in his shop for twenty times as much. On this particular trip he's canvassing the county of Buckinghamshire and comes across three locals (Claud, Bert, and Rummins) near a dirty, ramshackle farmhouse. Once he convinces them to let him inside, he is flabbergasted to see a Chippendate Commode standing in the living room. The Commodes were made by the famous 18th-century furniture maker Thomas Chippendate, and only three others were known to be in existence. Boggis nearly faints when he realizes that this piece could fetch up to twenty thousand pounds in an auction. He recovers, though, and mentions that he needs a new set of legs for a table he has at home. The ones on the commode, he says, would just fit. Rummins is doubtful, and so Boggis cons him into thinking that the piece is simply a worthless Victorian reproduction. He finally ends up purchasing the commode for the grand total of twenty pounds. After he leaves to get his car, the three men decide to help him out by cutting the legs off for him. Rummins also speculates that the parson might back out of the deal if he can't fit the entire piece into his car (he doesn't know that Boggis has a station wagon), so Claud takes an axe and breaks the commode to pieces. "I'll tell you one thing," he says. "That was a bloody good carpenter put this job together and I don't care what the parson says." At that moment, Mr. Boggis drives up in his car.
Royal Jelly
Plot/Description
Personally, I think this is one of Dahl's scariest stories. The description of the baby at the end... *shudder* I read it aloud to some of college roommates once and they were freaked out.
This is a simple story and concerns the Taylor family: Albert, Mabel, and their newborn baby daughter. Mabel is frightened because the child won't eat and has been losing weight since birth. She's desperate and frantic, but the doctors can't do anything. After she goes to bed, Albert begins to read from one of his many books on beekeeping. He's always had a way with bees, and now he makes his living by maintaining over 200 hives and selling the honey. This particular night he is reading about royal jelly, which is a substance that the worker bees produce and feed to the larvae for the first three days of their lives. It allows the young bees to rapidly mature and grow in size. Queen bees, however, are continuously fed the stuff throughout their larval life. It's what actually, physically changes them into queens. Albert gets the idea that this stuff could help his daughter grow too. When Mabel comes downstairs the next morning, she is astounded to hear that the baby has drank five ounces of milk throughout the night. She watches as Albert prepares another bottle and the child ravenously drains the entire contents. She gets curious, though, when Albert later claims to have cured the baby himself. He finally confesses that he added large quantities of royal jelly to the baby formula, much to Mabel's shock and dismay. He tries to convince her with facts and statistics, but she will have none of it. She tells him that even if it does work, they had a terrible honey crop the previous year and she doesn't want any bees devoted to making it. She forbids him from feeding anymore of it to the child. At the next feeding, the baby drinks two bottles and physically seems to be getting fatter. They go to weigh the child and Mabel is frightened to see that though she's put on weight on her abdomen, her arms and legs are skinny and her tummy is beginning to sprout "yellowy-brown hairs." Mabel accuses him of dosing the child with more royal jelly, which Albert admits to. In a last ditch attempt to convince his wife that it's perfectly healthy, he admits that last year he turned over half his bees to the production of the jelly, which he consumed himself. He did it in the hopes that it would make him more fertile, and it obviously worked since he daughter was conceived not long after. Mabel suddenly realizes that her husband does really resemble a great big bee, and her daughter laying on the table looks like nothing so much as a gigantic grub. "Why don't you cover her up, Mabel?" he says. "We don't want our little queen to catch a cold."
Skin
Plot/Description
The year is 1946 and an old man named Drioli shuffles across the Parisian street in the freezing cold. He stops before a picture gallery to admire the painting in the window... and suddenly recognizes the name of the artist. "Chaim Soutine... My little Kalmuck, that's who it is!" Drioli remembers a night thirty years before, when he had come home from his tattoo parlor flush with cash and bearing bottles of wine. The boy (Soutine) had been painting a picture of Drioli's wife, with whom he was infatuated. The three of them get very drunk and Drioli comes up with an idea ? he wants the boy to paint a picture on his back and then tattoo over it! The boy only agrees when Drioli's wife Josie says she will pose for the picture. It takes all night, but eventually the picture is finished and signed. Not long after, the boy disappeared and they never saw him again. Josie died during the second World War and Drioli's tattooing business collapsed. Now, in the present, he is reduced to begging in the streets. He decides to go in and see the other Soutine pictures on display. The gallery workers try to throw him out, but before they can he takes off his shirt and shows the crowd his tattooed back. They are amazed and immediately several men offer to buy the painting from him. Eventually Drioli is faced with a choice: one man offers to pay for a major skin-grafting operation, while another simply asks Drioli to come live at his hotel (the Bristol in Cannes) and exhibit the painting to his guests. Drioli chooses the latter and goes off to dinner with the man. Not long after, a strange painting by Soutine shows up for sale in Buenos Aires. And, the narrator tells us, there is no hotel called the Bristol in Cannes.
Taste
Plot/Desciption
The setting for this story is a dinner party at the home of stock broker Mike Schofield. The guests include Schofield and his wife and daughter, the narrator and his wife, and a man called Richard Pratt. Pratt is a famous gourmet and enjoys showing off his knowledge of fine wine and food. He is also a thoroughly unpleasant man. Both times prior that Pratt dined with Schofield, the two men made a curious bet: Schofield bet that Pratt could not identify some special wine that he had procured for the night. Pratt had always won. On the night this story takes place, Schofield thinks that he will finally win one over on the gourmet. He has a very rare bottle of claret from a tiny chateau in France, and he boasts that Pratt will never be able to guess it. Pratt, who had been spending the night engrossed in conversation with Schofield's daughter Louise, takes the bet and asks to up the stakes. He offers to bet two of his houses against the hand of Louise in marriage. Both Louise and her mother are against it, but Schofield manages to convince them to accept. He believes that Pratt has no chance of winning. Pratt then proceeds to smell and taste the wine, and he slowly begins to narrow down its possible origin. Eventually he gets the correct answer and Schofield sits there horrified. Just as Pratt is starting to get nasty about the bet, the house maid appears at his arm and offers him his spectacles, which he had misplaced earlier. He takes no notice of her, but she stands her ground and reminds him (rather loudly) that he left them in Mr. Schofield's study on top of the filing cabinet when he went in there that evening... which is just where Pratt, on a previous visit, had advised Schofield to leave his wines to "breathe". In other words, he cheated!
The landlady
Plot/Description
This is one of Dahl's most famous stories and it's been dramatized on television at least once. It's got one of my favorite endings too, simply because it's so simple and subtle. And scary! :)
Billy Weaver arrives in Bath after taking the train from London. He's never been to the town before, but he's due to start a new job there soon and he's excited at the prospect. He heads toward The Bell and Dragon, which is a pub he's been told he could spend the night at. On the way though, he notices a sign in the window of a nearby house: "BED AND BREAKFAST." Billy looks in the window and notices that it's a charming house, with a roaring fire and a little dog curled up asleep on the rug. On an impulse, he decides to check it out and rings the bell. It is answered immediately a little old lady who invites him to enter and tells him the room rate. As it's less than half what he was prepared to pay, Billy decides to stay. She tells him that he is the only guest as she takes him to his room. When he goes downstairs to sign the guest-book, he notices that there are only two names in the entire book. The names are over two years old... and what's more, they strike him as being familiar. As he struggles to remember where he's heard the names before, the landlady brings him a cup of tea. He seems to remember that one of them was an Eton schoolboy that disappeared, but she assures him that her Mr. Temple was different. Billy sits down before the fire with his tea and notices a strange odor that comes from the woman, something like walnuts or new leather. They begin talking about the former guests, and she notes that both of them were handsome young men just like him. He asks if they left recently, and she replies that both of them are still in the house on the fourth floor. Billy is confused and tries to change the subject by commenting on a parrot in a cage, which he thought was alive but just realized is stuffed. The landlady reveals that she herself stuffed the bird, and as she is a taxidermist she stuffs all her own pets. Billy realizes with a shock that the little dachsund by the fire isn't alive. He also notices a curious bitter almond taste in his tea, and he asks the landlady again: "Haven't there been any other guests here except them in the last two or three years?" She gives him a little smile as she replies, "No, my dear. Only you."
(If you don't get it, here's what happens: she poisoned the other two men and stuffed them. Billy has read of their disappearances in the newspaper, and now he's to be the next victim! The bitter almond taste in his tea is potassium cyanide.)
The way up to heaven
Plot/Description
Mrs. Foster has a pathological fear of being late. Whenever she is in danger of missing a train or plane or an engagement, a tiny muscle near her eye begins to twitch. The worst part is that her husband, Mr. Eugene Foster, seems to torment her by making sure that they always leave the house one or two minutes past the point of safety. On this particular occasion Mrs. Foster is leaving to visit her daughter and grandchildren in Paris for the first time ever, and she's frantic to think that she'll miss her flight. By the time her husband finally joins her at the car, she's too far behind schedule. Luckily the flight is postponed til the next day, and Mr. Foster persuades her to come home for the night. When she's ready to leave the next day, though, her husband suggests that they drop him off at his club on the way. Knowing this will make her late, she protests in vain. Just before the car leaves, he runs back in the house on the pretense of picking up a gift he forgot for his daughter. While he's gone Mrs. Foster discovers the gift box shoved down between the seat cushions. She runs up to the house to tell him that she has the gift... and suddenly she pauses. She listens. She stays frozen for 10 seconds, straining to hear something. Then she turns and runs to the car, telling the driver that they're too late and her husband will have to find another ride. She makes her flight and has a wonderful visit with her grandchildren. She writes her husband every week and sends him a telegram before she flies home six weeks later. He's not at the airport to meet her though, and when she enters the house (after taking a taxi home) she notices a curious odor in the air. Satisfied, she enters her husband's study and calls the elevator repairman. It had jammed and she left him to die there!
William and Mary
Plot/Description
This is another of Dahl's most famous short stories, and it's been dramatized a number of times. Jeremy Treglown notes in his biography that Dahl did a great deal of neurosurgical research to make sure that experiment described would be as realistic as possible. Another interesting note: the names of the main characters, William and Mary, are the same as the two white mice in The Witches.
Mary Pearl's husband William has passed away one week ago, and after the lawyer reads the Will, he gives her a letter from her dead husband. She returns home to read it, smoking a cigarette and admiring her new television set. She wonders what her demanding husband could possibly have to say to her. Maybe he's finally decided to thank her for thirty years of dedication and service. Instead, she is shocked to discover twenty pages about a scientific experiment that an Oxford colleague convinced him to volunteer for. After his death from cancer, William's brain was hooked up to an artificial heart machine and removed from his skull. It now resides in a basin of cerebrospinal fluid and only exists because the machines keep pumping it full of oxygenated blood. The doctor, Landy, has even managed to save one of William's eyes, which is connected to his brain by the optic nerve and floats on top of the fluid in a plastic case. William urges her to put aside her revulsion and to come visit him to see how the experiment turned out. In a postscript he reminds her not to "drink cocktails... waste money... smoke cigarettes... buy a television apparatus." Mary is appalled that a part of her husband is still alive and dictating commands to her. Her automatic sense of duty kicks in, though, and she heads to the laboratory to meet with Landy. He shows her William's brain, conscious and alive in its basin, and she is surprised to feel a sort of affection for him in this state. "He looks so helpless and silent lying there," she says. She announces to the doctor that she wants to take her husband home. He is astounded and tries to talk her out of her plan, but she is adamant. As he tries to get her to leave the lab, she leans down over the eye to say goodbye. She takes a puff of her cigarette and is delighted to see the pupil contract into a "minute black pinpoint of absolute fury." The tables have turned and now Mary is in control. "Don't look so cross, William," she says. "It isn't any good looking cross... Not anymore it isn't. Because from now on, my pet, you're going to do just exactly what Mary tells you." Landy finally pulls her from the room as she exclaims, "Isn't he sweet? Isn't he darling? I just can't wait to get him home."